Wednesday, August 30, 2006

What the... I'm Back? And Other Skyway Tales

So, I may have jumped the gun a little my previous post. I am back, but so freaking busy that it is hard to find time to write in the blogging world. A sincere shout out (you don't often hear of shout outs anymore) and apology to my fans.

As I put it to one of my friends, I am like Prince's vault of music. I have so much to write about, all I have to do is dust off some of my thoughts, and away we go.

And away we go...

The skyway. What an interesting culture. Yes, I said culture. Seriously. You don't have to go outside and it just winds on endlessly. Each day I venture a little bit further to see what is out there. One day I looked out at this beautiful park and thought, WOW! I should eat out there! But no, I stayed in the skyway. There are restaurants of all types (but more chinese places than you can shake a stick at), convenience stores (I really should be playing the lotto more), shoe shiners, hair salons, and even a locksmith!

Ahhh, but my story today is about how I found, what appears to be, a relative from a previous CFUNKYTHOUGHTS posting. You know the one - The "What you want!?" episode? C'mon, I know you read it like a bajillion times (not quite as much as a cajillion). Well, there is a particular restaraunt in the skyway where the food is great and you are greated with a loud, "What you want!?" every time. But of course, my thought process takes this one step further. Of course, the woman behind the counter is thinking, "What you want fat white boy? This your third time here this week - we don't sell anything to help you lose weight!" And with a great big smile, I say, I will have fried rice, an egg roll and whatever that fatening stuff is. And the response? We all out of fried rice fat white boy! Nice. But I got the last laugh. I waited. Yea, I was late for work, but I waited. And yes, the rice tasted funny, but at least they were laughing behind my back as I headed across the way to get a 24 oz diet Mountain Dew for the price of a 20oz Dew. So economical. I even bought a bus pass. Just if I rode the bus.

Till next time... Just wait for Skyway Tales volume 2. Typically released each Tuesday.

Peace out.

PS - I would like to rescind an earlier comment made this year poking fun at the Detroit Tigers. They have proved everyone wrong, including myself and have proved they are a solid club. Nice job boys. Keep up the good work, but if you have to throw it so the Twins can move on, so be it.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

I'm Back Baby!

Ahh... Back to the blogging world it is for me. After a quick hiatis (I am a poor speller and too lazy to spell check), the network wanted me back, so here I am.

This has been an interesting month, so let's recap:

*started new job at one of the biggest and bestest banks (which seems to be going well, but very busy and very different than academe).
*essentially began living with girlfriend (who has bi polar, hence this experience has been up and down) and her son. Both are wonderful and I love them dearly.
*playing in an adult hockey league and tearing it up

Jobs are boring and no one wants to hear about some adult getting way to into hockey as if he was a kid again. So, for those reasons, I have decided to enlighten the world with knowledge that my gf has bi polar. From this pt forward, I will write about my experiences and thoughts as I am getting an front row view of what I consider to be one of the worst diseases to have. Disclaimer, just one of the worst, not the worst. And probably a lot more worse since I deal with it on a daily and personal basis.

I am amazed at how unstable a seemingly loving relationship can be. One day (often times its minutes), the relationship is spectacular - like nothing I have ever experienced. And then BAM! Whatever the exact opposite is occurs. For example, within 1 hour, I have been screamed at, told I was loved and am wonderful, and screamed at again. Well, I must have been being a complete ass you say? Yeah, not quite. Perhaps I asked too many questions. Or wanted to know how her day was.

I am amazed (not in a good way) at how one day, Anna wants me around and won't stop touching me or loving me. And then the next day all of that affection is gone. No touching, no random calls or text messages saying I love you. And I can't even go near her. Can't touch her. The feeling of my breath on her is too much to handle. My body heat makes her want to scream. And then Anna disappears.

When we first moved in, Anna would tell me everything that was going on. Then, when things got really bad (sorry, I can't go into this now), she began to close up. Now she is the hardest person to talk to. And all I ever hear is, "I don't feel like talking;" "I'm tired, I'm going to bed;" I just want to watch TV." I shouldn't say that is all I ever hear. But it has now been 2 days since we have had a conversation lasting longer than5 minutes.

I could go on and on about my thoughts on this matter and probably will over the course of time. I promise not to be "Captain Rain on My Parade" (copyright The Steph) because to be quite honest, I think I am one hell of a funny guy. Once you get to know me anyway.

I think this is a good avenue for me to express what is going on. If others want to contribute or comment, I would appreciate it. At this point, as the boyfriend of a wonderful woman with bi polar, I am looking for support, answers, hints, or just about anything that will help. Because 3 months ago I was strong and patient. Tonight I sit here on the verge of tears with very little strength or patience, confused, frustrated, and hurt. I love her and want to be there for her.

So, I will leave you with this question and if you made it this far, thanks. My question of the night is: How do you know what is bi polar and what is a person's personality?

My hope is to have a little more uplifting blurb for all of my loyal viewers tomorrow. Till then!

Peace out.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

19 Signs You Are Wasting Your Time

As written by Mens Health writer Steve Calechman. From a guys perspective.

19 Signs You're Wasting Your TimeFind out if you could be using your time more efficiently
By: Steve Calechman

1. Any weather small talk that lasts longer than 4 seconds (unless it involves a car floating away). If you have nothing to talk about other than the weather, face it, you have nothing to talk about.

2. Three dates. No tongue.

3. Two years. No raise.

4. The person running the meeting asks, "Could someone get the lights?"

5. Your beloved quotes from Spinal Tap--"So what's wrong with being sexy?" or "It's like we have armadillos in our trousers" or "But these go to 11"--get no reaction.

6. The other person quotes Billy Madison.

7. You hit triple digits on the cable box, decide to cycle through once more, and realize that What Women Want is still the best option.

8. You spend more than an hour and a half a day in the gym. What's the point of building all those muscles if you don't get out once in a while and use them?

9. You've been intro-duced to someone three times, and he still doesn't remem-ber your name. Don't be angry. Just smile and let him know you've met several times, and you remember him well. You now own his ass.

10. She says it's enough to have seen the Eiffel Tower in Vegas.

11. You try to forget how much your ex-girlfriend made you laugh, or how much your ex-boss made you cry--as if selectively erasing major parts of your life were possible without being kidnapped by a government agency.

12. The speaker says, "Please hold your applause until I finish reading all the names." Break out your BlackBerry, get something done.

13.You watch any movie featuring a mischievous kid who advises adults.

14. She asks during your first conversation, "So, what do you like to do for fun?" which is the single dumbest question that can ever be asked of a person. Our advice: Just smile and answer, "It's not what, but who."

15. You look at your watch during any activity. Either find something you really want to do or stop wearing a watch.

16. You listen to John Mayer for any other reason than to get a woman to take off her shirt.

17. You give your honest feedback to someone who says, "I want your honest feedback."

18.You read any e-mail with the subject line "This is not a hoax."

19. You allow someone more than 3 minutes to try to change your opinion. If he can't do it in that window, say, "Look, Ed, you're not going to change my view here. So let's stop pissing away valuable minutes and talk about something else." (Except the weather, of course.)

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Final Countdown

Sorry to disappoint... You will not see the lyrics to that wonderful Europe song (I think this is a Europe song and yes, it is wonderful). What you will see here is the start of the countdown to my last day of employment in my current position. This marks the first time I will switch careers as I move to a banking conglomerate.

With the change comes the possibility of less blogging as I figure out what I can and can not do at work.... Please have patience, my wonderful viewers! Know that I am committed to providing inspirational blogs and amazing advice (see "Dumpster Diving" by CFUNK for my most recent amazing advice).

Let the countdown begin at t minus 51 hours.

Happy Counting.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Intervention

Dear Orbitron,

This is an intervention.

First, we want to say that we love you.

This is nothing personal, but we feel that we need to take this step before you can further develop your relationships with those you care about. We can't understand 97.3% of what you say when you don't write it down. And we feel that it's impacting our ability to effectively and efficiently communicate and share our lives with you.

We believe that your cell phone, although it looks like it comes from the 22nd century, contains electronics from the first Texas Instruments calculator. At times, it sounds as though you have wrapped a crumpled up brown paper bag around your phone and dunked your head in a bucket of water while bobbing for apples. Other times, you call us when the New York Symphany Orchestra and the Boston Pops have lined up next to each for the big finale during the 4th of July fireworks display at a NASCAR race.

Please spit the marshmallows out or gulp them down before talking. This is not a campfire. It’s a conversation.

Now clean up that venti light java chip frappachino no whip double-blended that just got spewed, and just talk to us.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Dumpster Diving

Ahh... The life-long sport of dumpster diving. One man's garbage is another's treasure. Dumpster diving is much like garage sailing, but without the time restrictions and need to pay for stuff. I have not done enough dumpster diving in my day, but have picked up a few gems.

The reason for bringing up dumpster diving today? Over the weekend, I was cleaning out my garage and decided to part ways with a fantastic garage couch. And by fantastic, I mean, ugly, worn down, holes in it from the mice, and somewhat smelly. For the record, it may or may not have been smelly before becoming a garage couch, so stop blaming the mice. Er... Wait a minute...

Well, I put said couch on the curb for all to see. As if it was one last hurrah for the couch. And within 3 hours, the couch was being hoisted onto the roof of some old 1980's hooptie by a lovely couple (you can picture for yourself how lovely this couple with a 1980's hooptie was). Cushions in the trunk, couch on the roof. No rope, no ties, nothing to secure the couch but a hand from each window on the side. Nice. And the sport of dumpster diving continues. I feel better knownig garage couch went to a nice family that will use it for something better than a home for wayward mice.

A quick piece of advice for newcomers to the sport of dumpster diving: The best place to take part in dumpster diving is in wealthier neighborhoods. You will find some upscale items that often have not been used.

Good luck to all and enjoy this lovely sport that America has given us.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Tagged... 5 Items

5 Items

5 Items in my fridge
This is a funny one because people in the know realize I have very little in my fridge. But here is what you will find:

*Old rabbit food
*Country Crock Vegetable Spread
*Ranch Dressing
*A little Hypnotic
*Root Beer Schnapps

*Note: These are my items only as I am sure The Roomie has way more items than I do!

5 Items in my closet

*Clothes
*Ties
*Baseball Caps
*Shoes
*Bags
*Porn? Okay maybe not, but if I did own porn, wouldn't it be in the closet?

5 Items in my car

*Hockey Sticks
*Compass
*Eclipse breath mints (Truly the best mints EVER)
*Change for soda
*Racquetball racquet (Note to readers - The Steph and The Roomie have not played racquetball with CFUNK in many months. My 30 game unbeaten streak against them continues. Perhaps it was the taunting when I was up 14-2 that made them not want to play with me? Seriously, its part of the game, right?)

5 Items in my purse

No purse - sorry y'all, but I ditched the purse. I am too lazy.

Thanks for playing 5 items with CFUNK today. Now, you too can play at home. Simply write down (or copy and paste from this site, the way I did) 5 Items and pick a few categories. Voila!

Till next time...